Leaving for Bakson’s birthday celebration in 2 days’ time.

One of the dear friends who have been kept close to heart and have been there for me so much throught hard times…

Finally got the X’mas gifts for the peeps over in KL, and Bakson’s birthday gift during lunch just now.

Mad rush.

And I have yet to settle my toiletries and luggage.

And lots to settle for work.

Damn damn, I am already starting abit of emotional transition for the one that yours truly have been going on dates oh-so-often. Movie dates after work especially are like a regular routine now. Tired but somehow happily satisfied to spend time of such.

No no no! Cannot! Snap outta it!!

I still got to keep in mind that men cannot be trusted. CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT!

Self reminder: Remember, the motive here is to have just fun and have someone to fill time with.

“So what is your resolution for new year, smoke less?”

“No, marry you.”

And it was laughed off by us both. No, both of us never did profess “love” or shit. We did use the word “like”, am really glad its not superficial, unlike how lotsa men were like professing “love” when you just know each other.

Just good times spending time together, with a lil flirting here and there, which is keeping me at peace now. Like I said before, it does feel good to have someone there for you giving you the warmth and comfort. =)

But, if you were to ask me, have not even really “open up” to him. He don’t really know alot of the real me I would say. He dont know the many facets I have in been through in life. He don’t even know I have gone on a date once quite long time back with one of his friends(forget it, no chemistry/fun whatsoever). Haha!

Really, I think this time I am really taking baby steps in getting to know another and even opening up. We’ve dated for like more than a month now, and I am still taking it slooow…

Think I am still very commit-phobic.

Two movie dates in a row. =)

“Paranormal Activity” and “2012″.

On a weekday. Right after work.

Am uber tired.

But it does felt good. =)

I think it’s been fairly long since I last blog, yes?

Life’s been pretty routine lately, nothing “hoo-ha” or  big change to boast about.

Well, except for the fact that I have lost my two turtles, Mayo & Niz.

I totally blamed myself. I have noticed their being not as active anymore since few weeks back, but I didnt bring them to the vet.

They only ate dried shrimps, would not touched the normal processed food pallets, yes they’re that pampered.

But I gotta change the brand of their food. Pet Lovers’ Centre stopped selling that japanese brand that I usually get for them anymore.

I noticed Niz to be the one being quite sick for long, Mayo was still kinda active.

Who would have thought Mayo was the one whose life was lost first. :’(

How I noticed? Wanna washed their tank so I did the routine of putting them in the sink first.

To think I only notice that Mayo was dead then , he had stopped kicking like usually how he would do when it’s his bath time.

I practially just put Mayo in the sink back and went into my room to sit on the bed. I was in denial mode for a while. Then it started to sink in.

Mayo’s gone.

Next thing I know, the tears keep dropping like gravity loves it too much. It continued for so long. I could not get a grip of myself. The Mayo which was my birthday gift to MYSELF 2 years back has no more life. I have watched it grow dtill it had grown till 4 times its size. Both Mayo & Niz had grown so accustomed to me and love it when I stroked or kissed their faces.

I still left it there in the sink, only managed to do the necessary later. Kissed him on the shell for one long last time.

Niz was still alive when Mayo was gone. But just as I expected, Niz left me too the next couple of days later. This time I got the courage to take one final visual of Niz.

Gosh, tears are pumping up in my eyes as I am typing these…

Sorry I was not as good as a pet owner as I should be, sorry I neglected you. I had love you both alot, and I still do even when you are gone.

Sigh…

That aside, I have been pretty much frustrated on life lately.

Maybe it’s the routine thing. I am an “ENTP”, it’s not easy.

My job, I like it. Great working environment, I love working in the hospital, I got a great supervisor.

But, it’s getting routine. And I am not a routine person.

The students has been nice really, especially the first batch of the bigger Paediatrics clerkship who’re like buddy-buddy with me. There was a time when I was undergoing tremendous pressure coz I was handling the fort for all new batch, and my supervisor is on maternity leave. Thats coordinating TWO programs ok! I swear I felt that it’s unfair they put the whole chunk on me to handle with the measly pay they give me. I was sick so often then. I was having so many panic attacks(well I only understand about the whole panic attack thing when it does happen to me, trust me). Was going through mild depression I guess. Plus to get over the whole fact about the stupid breakup.

I really thank those who have been there for me, my few good friends who I can really call friends. You know who you are, there’s 3 of you.

Next year, am gonna look for opportunities to do what I really want in life. I crossed my fingers for that.

The BFF has gone back home till January.

BFF, I miss you.

Damn, have always hated to admit that to his face. But I know that meanie miss me the same. =P

Was so used to the calls and ramblings (and even the arguments I must say) that we do every single day without fail.

Now it’s not that often, the phone charges can kill us both if we do. Hahaha… Plus, me being the ever thoughtful best friend, I shall let him indulge himself with his girlfriend and family for this period. *halo over my head*

It’s ok. That meanie has promised me lotsa goodies when he comes back. =)

His secrets are all safe with me, and vice versa of course. What are besties for huh.. It’s a prompt update for the other once anything new kicks in, inclusive of all the scandalous bits. Hahah!

And I’ll be outta town X’mas period. Flight booked.=)

Bakson’s been bugging me to join him for his birthday celebrations. And have finally obliged, after that much bugging from him, yes… I will always expect a fun time then.

And I have decided not to be so cold anymore to men who wanna ask me out. Yes, Mr Bakson has successfully got it into my head that I should give myself a chance to see whats out there again.

So, I am trying……..

Thinking about it, dates are FUN. We women love the intricate details when the other species plans a good date out for us, yes?

Commitment is another thing though. That part am not too sure  to start yet. Am ok and happy as I am now… Hehe…

Baby steps……….. Ok? =)

Gosh, is it just me, or am I being vulnerable again?

Finally, I have got the courage to totally eliminate that recent past.

And in you, I find solace again.

And why is it that I am holding on to you, after all these years? And same as you, to me.

Why?

Was it because I felt indebted that you were there at my most vulnerable moments?

I could never understand it. I felt that I am living in a fantasy world again.

I am vulnerable again. I am just so tired of being the strong woman I have always wanted myself to be.

I have been at it long enough.

I wanna go back to the time when you pulled me up again at my crumbling moment of life. When I had that support everytime I needed it.

Only you know about my life inside out. Only you.

Once I chose to forsake you.

If given a second chance, I will undo everything.

My anguish is here yet again.

I had love thee. And I realised it’s still going till now.

Today, we all mourn for the passing of a legendary icon.

Michael Joseph Jackson.

My heart dropped when I opened Yahoo! as I came into the office, and saw the news about the cardiac arrest of Michael.

Him being officially dead. I swear for a moment that I could not digest the news.

I never realised how much Michael’s passing would impact on me.

 His music ‘Heal the World’ played out of the shuffle mode in my MP3 playlist in the office now.

And damn, I just teared. No kidding!

I could not even explain my own feelings here.

I love his music. I grew up as a kid with it.

He inspire me much. Trying to narrow the gap between blacks and whites, and all the other races altogether.

That the world should just try to love each other, regardless of color.

I grew up to be very different with the community that I was brought up with, including my family.

You can call me the ‘black sheep’ somehow.

I am one with lotsa friends from all walks of life, all colors.

And because of that, perhaps I am perceived to be too liberal among my community and family.

My first boyfriend of 3 years is a Chinese, which at a point already caused a lil difficulty in my parents accepting it at first.

Came to a point where I was at my darkest period in life.

And came a man who pulled me up again on my feet.

And he’s black.

I tell myself somehow, at first, never fall for that person, coz I was somehow concerned over my parents’ acceptance.

But I still did.

To break the news to my parents then, wasnt the easiest thing I swear, but somehow we manage to convince them a lil. Gosh, we literally went through so much together… I shall not need to depict that again here.

Those who already know me, and read through my past blogs. Would know a period of time that I am just about to give up on life.

Circumstances has put us away, and led me to make foolish decisions. I must say that period I was in a battle with myself growing up to maturity.

I love that man. I will never forget the man who breathed air into me again then.

But look at it positively now, our separation has led to better learning in life for both of us. I have grown to be more mature in handling life, and he has got his career on track in Poland. I believed things always happen for a reason.

I love my parents alot, trust me. As much as the peeves sometimes I attain coz I am no way the same as their level of thinking on lotsa things. This oldest daughter of theirs just have her own set of thinking somehow.

And I love my younger siblings. I am very much protective of my younger siblings. Hurt them and you would see the worst of me that you never wanna see.

Anyway, back to Michael Jackson, he was a victim of the gist and glamor of a pop icon. The media that brought him up, also brings him down to naught.

That man accused of the child molest. He was never charged. We all never knew the truth. But it’s somehow bloody clear how these people are after the money.

He has set up Neverland. Kids play and sleep at his home for no charge. Kids love him. He donated so much to charities and humanatarian work.

But definitely the adults have more ulterior motive against him.

I think he is just a misunderstood person. Just because he’s different.

Fine, he had too much cosmetic surgeries gone wrong. But it’s entirely his body and he has the right to do whatever he freaking wants! He’s on the same level with those porn stars with the excessive boob jobs and botox!

I just really think he was a good human being. He has influenced the world, through his music.

RIP, the King of Pop.

You will be missed.

Yours truly is in the office right now, no kidding, and blogging.

Rach, the finally-mum, has started on her maternity leave since the start of the week.

Adorable lil princess she gave birth to. To finally see the real ’thing’ that has been making her tummy inflate over the months, it’s such an amazing thing.

Liza is like holding the helm now for the medical student clerkships in this hospital.

I hope the 4 months pass in a jiffy. I don’t really adore the idea of being put at such that ‘responsible’ position.

I am fine with working here, yeah. Rach was a great supervisor, and I like working in the healthcare sector.

But with her gone, I am at the helm now. More responsibility.

So, please pleases please, get time to run fast enough so Rach will come back.

I love healthcare. Gives me the thrill working in the hospital. But then again, nothing practical for me, coz I am not so strong for gore.

That’s why I am somehow just satisfied with what I am doing for now. But not for the long run.

I still wanna work with kids again. Someday. I will… Soon, I hope.

Looked back at my past videos and pictures with my kids. Gosh, I miss them so…

I reminisce the time when I was a babygym teacher. I reminisce the times that I was with Wale then, and he was also a teacher in Cambodia. The lunch calls, when his students would insist on talking to me. And the lil darlings that they are, to even give me gifts when I go to Cambodia… Some of the lil stuffs are still at my worktable now.

To think that now, BOTH are no longer teachers. Hahahaha! But I tell you, we wont forget our kids easily.

To teachers out there, you would understand what I am trying to say.

To non-teachers, you be a teacher, then you would understand what I am trying to say.

For the record, only for kids 0-5 years old ok. =)

I wanna myself being called TEACHER LIZA again. =(

Ok…. An update after soooooooooo long.

I should say somehow I am relieved the drama is over.

No surprise, that jerk still calls and beg to give him a last chance. Benefit of the doubt, my ass!! Hahahaha…

But havent heard from him since last Friday, which is……………………………… GOOD!

So, to summarise it off on what happened. Liza met him(with blood boiling in her blood veins yes!), asked him nicely to confess, but damn he could look at me in the eye and still lie, that asshole. Then came along the other lady whom he didnt expect, then he got into his lunatic mode. By this, I mean he change his expressions from angry to laughing to pissed almost instantly after a few seconds of each.

Kinda mama drama… Well till I got the get the help from a friend, which was not even in the plan.

Which drives him into a more lunatic mode the moment, he saw the car coming by….

I kicked ass. No kidding. Tried getting help from the rest and even security. Damn, I think the men there are bloody cowards.

Hartini wanted to kill me for doing something ‘dangerous’, or so she claims. Hahahahaha! Well, truth is I am just really ready for any consequences. Thank god things work out to my favour.

I’d be lying to say during the whole of these twist of event happening, I didn’t even feel sad. Yes, I do. I am but only human.

To think of our moments together, what he has done for me at times, damn of coz it hurts…

Oh well, I’m still happy all these happen at this moment in time. Before I fell too deep for him. I fell for his sweetness, yes. That’s about it. He’s the best I came across of that….

But God sure has his ways to let us see things.

After the drama mama, managed to escape it all with the help of Charlie & Jerry. It was dinner at Dome KLCC & then after hours of Charlie getting lost(in which he ALWAYS does) and the indecisive nature of these men, we finally settle to hang out at the club at my hotel, Pulse @ Grand Millenium, Bukit Bintang. Chic place, a lil small though. Asked Hartini to join us from the room, but that lazy lady wanna watch Da Vinci Code on TV and sleep.

As usual, I started the party at the club. Everyone danced in their own lil world of their table. I gotta drag Nor, Charlie & Jerry to start things off. All in all, still a fun night altogether. I was in delirium, ready to forget everything and just have fun.

The next morning got me to skip the buffet breakfast and continue with my sleep in that super comfy bed. Even as Hartini left for her spa treatment, I am still snuggling up in bed. Ran my warm bath in the tub and stayed in for like an hour after I woke up. I swear it’s been so long since I felt so serene.

Head to Bukit Bintang area to do my own little sight-seeing, while Hartini was at her spa getaway. And as usual, this klutz got lost time and again. I swear at every corner, to me, everything looks the same!!

Met Hartini at the Lot 10 (I think?!) after she’s done with pampering herself. Before we both head to KLCC in search for the Cinnabon rolls, but no! The websites cheated my feelings, I swear!

It’s okay though, I got my satisfaction down for CONEY DOG, and ROOT BEER FLOAT, & WAFFLES at A & W!!! Damn, they should get A & W back in Singapore!! Was too full and even forgot the DUNKIN DONUTS.. Darn!!

Was walking around KLCC Suria further, when I got a call from Charlie and say they are coming to meet us later… Like yippee!! Marvin & Jimmy, the friends from the new year’s party, didn’t call me back. Jimmy called for us to hang out on Friday, but dang! That’s my mission day, so I told them perhaps the next day instead!! So it’s fine…. But it’s still got our hot company for the night. =)

Oh, for the record, I think men has punctuality problems too. Their “I’ll see u in an hour” ends up with me & Hartini getting back to our hotel, both showered, and me drying up my hair in near to 2 hours, before “Hey, we’re now at your hotel lobby.“. So please, I am not the only procrastinator here.

So we headed to Zouk KL after that, and the rest of the partying is history. Pure good times…! What I know is I brought out the ‘devil‘ in the ‘ever-so-shy’ Charlie. Hahahahaha!! Especially when the song get to “Low“, too many a times, but hey no one’s complaining….

Oh, Zouk KL was nothing huge really. Dont what the hype is all about, ‘cept for it being much cheaper than partying in Singapore…

After the partying, we head back to out hotel for our little orgy………………………. NOT!

Gah… You damn perverts out there….!

Hahahahahahaha!! Come on!! We’re NOT what you think we are even after all that high adrenaline!!

Hang out and talk in the hotel lobby lounge till the sun starts rising, and all of us start turning into living zombies.

I was already in my “hibernate” mode, my brain is already actually sleeping even when the two men left for home and us both heads for the hotel buffet breakfast which starts at 6am. So the reason I didn’t even eat much for the buffet, only one round and 2 glasses of soya milk. That’s it.

And a few hours of sleep is all we have before we leave the hotel and Malaysia again…

And following which, the next few days got me real sick no kidding. I was on 2 days’ MC, I swore for a sec I thought I might have gotten the swine flu….! Hahahaha! Thank god nothing… Just a real bad case of fever, flu, cough, bodyache… See!! Even the symptoms are all matching….

So, am soooooooooo done with Innocent. I swear I just hope he will stop bothering me again soon.

And in the midst of all these drama between Innocent and all the other people involved, I learnt not to take words of people easily anymore. My drama is over and done with…

Whatever agenda you have, if you think you wanna come out to be the ‘winner‘ if you manage to get him on a last victory, or contradict yourself by your very own words, by ALL means.

I am soooooooo done with that kinda man.  I can give him to all of you like a present, even perhaps wrapped it up and tie a ribbon even, it’s all yours… Take him, it will be my utmost pleasure…

Listen to this and you’ll know what I mean….

And this goes out from me to that man…Hahahaha… At many times after he managed to get thru me on the phone after the event, he’ll get frustrated and go “You’re stupid, Liza. No man will love you for real like I do….“. I will only laugh and told him back he would be the last man I would need, and make comparisons between Wale and him, which only gets him more riled up again…. Hahaha!! He’s smart that asshole, call me from a private number so I will pick up the phone… But time and again, he cant try his luck no more to convince me. I’m done.

Karma will do its own work, that I believe….

Speaking of which, the only regret I have would be leaving Wale for him, just cause of his sweet words then when Wale and I have our own probs…

Anyway, Wale found my multiply and he told me abt it.. His friend send the link to him he said/Darn! So much memories that site holds.

He freaking read the blog posts! The pictures!! My updates while I was back in Phnom Penh there!!

He told me, “Thank you, Liza…”

Why?

I guess coz it was there I did declare that he will be the only man my heart will never be rid of, coz he pulled me up on my feet when I almost crumbled in life…

But hey, its true… How could u not remember the person who was there for you, who went through shit with you in your worst times in life, pulled you back up on your feet?! Yes, I have never stopped loving him..

But we both know it’s kinda hard for us to be together. He, still chasing his dream. And me, I cant be the good person he expects me to change overnight.

The “Liza, start going to the mosque and learn to pray more…“

“Liza, stop being so wild and enough of partying…“

Liza this, Liza that…

And when we fought, he will make it a point to complain to Mama that I’m a crybaby and what not….

Look at it, I am still young…. Still many things I have yet to explore and you cant expect to be stay put and resign myself to work things out totally with him.

But time and again, it’s just nice that he is still always there for me when I needed the support. Always he will appear at all the right moments…………

You never know what the future will hold. But for now, am just ready to make full use of my present. =)

Indeed it’s true.

Or so I thought.

Yes, I’m scorned.

For the first time ever in my life.

When news broke out, yes, it hurts!

But somehow, am now enjoying things…

I wanna see how far can a person go… I’m now like a criminal mastermind.

KL, end of this month!! Yes!!

Aeroline – checked!!

Grand Millenium Hotel at Bukit Bintang – checked!!

Girlfriend to keep happy after boyfriend-dumping – checked!!

I will pampered myself after the square-off, I swear.

And no, I am not too heart-broken. Though it hurts a tad little when I think of the wonderful memories.

And like God would want it, Wale, the man I’ve never stopped loving (and who I stupidly dump for this asshole), is back into my life.

God knows his way through things.

Second time in life.

And I am going through shit AGAIN.

And he appears again, after sooooo long.

Maybe he’s the guardian angel to keep me outta trouble.

I don’t think we can ever be together again, I know.

But it just soothes that he’s there again in life, to pull me up again.

I’m thankful. =)

Not the end of chapter for Liza.

Dearest Bloggy,

Yours truly is still in denial, yes I am.

The past week together has been magical.

Interesting I must say, how for the first time had us arguing almost every single day, but yet it’s made us happier and closer. Ironic indeed.

I think this is the first person who has always handled all my sulkings.

I am but a girl, I do love being cajoled.

And those making-up moments from him fills us both into such romantic moments, etched in my minds for good…

One of the few reasons of our constant arguments within the past week, was too much of his handphone ringing, and him being sooooooo ignorant when he’s busy with his laptop and internet.

Then to apologise at one point when I was fuming mad, while giving me a hug, he grabbed a pen and paper withing reach and scribbled (and endorsed!) me a letter of promise that such things won’t happen in our next meeting.

Ok lah… Let you in our little secret…

This little girl have to melt, no? Now tell me who wouldn’t?

Pardon me, I am already having withdrawal syndromes. Can’t even focus back at work today…

Gosh, now I think I’m in love again….

Let me feed myself on the memories again…

I’ll update more the next time.

Love,
Liza

Dearest Bloggy,

It’s 2 more days to meeting the love. *beams*

I think only people who have long distance would understand my anxiety.

How you tend to treasure the other party more and make full use of the time spend together…

Yup, never is long distance an easy thing. But from many clear examples of such couples being stronger than normal couples, really put my mind at ease somehow.

Take Kak Zura, or ‘Ebs‘, what I call her more as (well, her hubby’s surname is Eberly :p). Damn, that woman was on long distance since back then when she was dating her hubby. And till now happily married. And I must say, am impressed by the strength and threshold of their relationship.

Sidetrack a lil, was in Facebook and came upon 360 Frames site. Very very damn impressed  by the shots. Got their email reply and saw the photography package around 3K… Can keep this at the back of my mind should the time really comes….

Anyway, instead of giving out oranges to fellow colleagues on Chinese New Year, I am opting for fortune cookies instead!

I love the idea of fortune cookies. Yours truly gets so excited everytime she cracks the cookie to see its content…

I first saw the cookies during my trip to Guardian Pharmacy when was out with Marissa and Zaimah last Saturday, but didnt buy it coz was lazy to queue.

Tried to get it the next day, no sign of it!

But remembered that it has First Choice as brand name, so I associate it with Cold Storage / Shop ‘n” Save… After many attempts of walking down the aisle of Westmall’s Shop ‘n’ Save, I finally manage to find it hidden among the New Year goodies!!

So I packed the cookies into packs of 8 to give away to the colleagues for Chinese New Year!!

Like a money pouch filled with surprises…

Pretty, no?

Oranges are sooooooo yesterday. Too much acid is not good for the stomach… :P

Why is a fortune cookie fun?!

Come on, look at the ideology of it.

We humans love surprises, dont we?

The act of cracking open the cookie to anticipate whatever is inside… I think it personally thrills me.

Heck, we all know the stuff inside is all philosophically written!

But I still think it’s fun and worth the anticipation of cracking the cookie to unveil what’s inside.

Anyway, I am down with throat infection… AGAIN.

Yeah, please reprimand me. This idiot forgot to take her vitamins for 2 days in a row.

Now I’m suffering for it… My nose cant stop ‘running‘ (pun intended), my body feels weak, and the fever come and go, like ezlink cards.

The other colleague is on leave, same goes for many other doctors. So pretty much am alone, sleeping away during office hours. Unless the students call me should they need any help. My work level at this time is at super minimal. *yawns*

And sometimes makes me wonder, these “future doctors” can sometimes be the blurest of blur… Let’s hope they don’t make ‘blur’ diagnoses when they are certified doctors. *grins*

On a happier note, I’ll remind myself that I will be off to Bandar Sunway in less that 2 days!!! And wouldnt be back till 1 Feb!! *jumps around*

Awwww, I know I will be missed… Hehehe… But I’ll try to be back in here and Facebook once in a while with his lappy ok…

Oh oh, and like finally, we’ll be heading to Sunway Lagoon during one of the days I’m there.

Both of us has never stepped in there, though the apartment is like only like 20 mins walk away… Usually we just shop at the huge Sunway Pyramid beside it instead, it’s like our second home… =)

Get online tickets, it’s cheaper… Heh… I’m such a cheap ass… ;)

Oh, please witness Quest on America’s Best Dance Crew Season 3!!

I’m like “wow wow wow“!!

Those Asian-Americans sure are a bunch of cuties…. With real talent.

Love,
Liza